Thread: Trying to help a kid- Ideas Wanted!!

Fellow Junkies,

It's kind of a long story, but I happened to meet a kid thru my graduating daughter & became aware that he was homeless. Now when you think of homeless, perhaps like myself you think of somebody sleeping on a park bench or in a cardboard box in an alley. In this particular case, this kid has bounced from friend's house to friend's house since he was 16. But you don't have to take my word on it; the kid is legally homeless (officially). I call him a kid because to me he is.

He is now 18 & managed to graduate with a B average despite his unstable environment. Kinda makes the high school slackers with real homes look extra bad. Oh, & without a car, he also managed to hold down a job at a grocery store, which is where he got what little spending money he had, which went real quick for food & stuff. I've learned a few things already. For example, these days, every school has someone who is a Homeless Liaison, then the school district office (we're in Greenville county, SC) has someone who's kinda in charge district wide. The person at the high school did a few things, such as get the kid free lunch at school, a free cap & gown for graduation, but little else. While checking on his paperwork for getting financial aid for college (there's a special section in the federal application that's new this year just for homeless kids), a counselor point blank told me that the kid didn't get a ton of aid during high school that he was entitled to. Sometimes the kid would eat lunch at school on Friday & not get to eat again till lunch on Monday (yeah, he's skinny). No one checked on this kid during the Summer or any other time. He could have disappeared & no one would have known. Legally, his mother is still his parent despite not being in his life since he was 14. He has never had a dad, not even as a baby. Apparently the school looked the other way when it came to such things as signing report cards.

So I'm trying to help this kid out so he doesn't become another bad statistic. What somehow managed to work in terms of making it through high school will not cut it in terms of going to the next level and making it through the transition to being a self-sufficient adult. The kid has a good attitude, but who knows how many years it'll take to get completely over everything h's been through (I'm sparing you the real details).

So far I've managed to get him his learning permit for driving. I should be able to take him for the real test within 2 weeks. We got his application for federal student college aid filled out. Had the high school helped, he probably could have been in a regular 4 year college this Fall. Since he is too far behind in the process for that now, he will attend Greenville Tech in the fall. We've done all we can for that; he can't (nor can anyone else) finish enrollment till July. I've got him applied for a dorm out at Tech. Hopefully his financial package will cover that. If anyone has a better idea for where this kid could get a stable place to live, I'd sure like to hear about it!! I'm not sure what will happen during the Summer, even if he gets a dorm room.....

The next biggest thing will be getting him some wheels. He could make do with a moped, but really, I think he should shoot for getting a cheap car. Any ideas on the best route for this would really be appreciated. I'm working on helping him save money to buy something with. I don't have the money to front him for a car or I would.

He has already applied & got food stamps, though he didn't get enough to live on. I'm going to go with him to check on that & see if a mistake was made.

SO that's about it. If anyone has information on relief agencies or any information at all that might help, I'd appreciate the information. What I'm shooting for is to get the kid set up in a dorm room at Tech for the Fall. Utilities are included there & it's a good setup all the way around. It's not guaranteed though. Then, with him in school, I can sort of tutor him in to being a self-sufficient adult. I'll be there if he needs help occasionally, which I'm sure he will, but as long as he stays concentrated on finishing college (& I'm pushing the 4 year plan, not just Tech), he should be OK if a road block doesn't jump up. But all of this is easy to talk about; much harder to pull off.

Oh I did get the kid signed up for the WIA program (google it if you care), but he made not need it / be able to use it if he gets enough federal college aid. But I figured it would be best to sign up & not need it rather than to wait & see.

Ideas?

pell grants : Federal Pell Grant Program

Originally Posted by thumper

pell grants : Federal Pell Grant Program

ya thats the way to go, i know some people no where near his situation that get pell grants, and they normally cover most of tuition by themselves.

plus there are many scholarships out there that he would be great for, you just have to dig to find most of them.

one friend of mine had enough from scholarships and her pell grant to pay for a year of school and a car

church : I know churches can / will help.

North American Mission Board - NAMB.net

I'm assuming you are in SC, but NC has a great program with lots of info you might want to check out. it might be some help to you

CFNC - Welcome

Ace,

First off I want to applaud you for what you have done for the young man so far. I wish I could be more help, but at the moment, I cannot. I don't know of any organization other than those already mentioned that could help the guy out other than the Oliver Gospel Mission in Columbia, SC. I know they do tremendous work with the homeless and other "down and out" types, and have so for 120 years. Perhaps they may be able to point you in the right direction.

I'll keep checking around and see what I can come up with.

Steer him to a National Guard recruiter. Excellent school benefits. When he graduates from college and applies for a job and is asked "Do you have any experience"? He can answer "YES". My GI Bill paid for 2 undergraduate degrees and partial graduate degree.

The Pell grant is a good idea, but I believe the standard federal student aid application is for the Pell grant, perhaps among other grants as well. If that's not the case please let me know. This application is pretty much standard & required by Greenville Tech & probably most other colleges unless you are paying 100% of your own tuition out of your own pocket.

It may be he will get enough money to pay for a cheap car from the Fed program-- I don't know yet, but should find out soon-- certainly at least by early July. I know that unless the rules have changed, a student can use the grant money they get for any school related expense, which would include a car or even a meal plan.

The idea to look for other scholarships is a great idea. It may be that there are scholarships specifically for homeless kids or kids without active parents in their lives. May be too late for this coming Fall, but who knows, & there will be $$$ needs next year too, so it would be good to line up potential venues of money for him.

I will look in to the agencies mentioned. I don't know of such an organization in Greenville county, SC, but in Spartanburg somewhere, there is an organization that provides a home in a group setting for kids like this. Right now, this is a last resort in my mind because the location would take him away from everyone he knows. I don't want to sound like I'm running his life, because he is an adult & has to agree with any plans, but here is what I'm thinking & why: The kid isn't the most mature for his age despite pulling off graduating from high school. He's got some issues and could probably actually benefit from talking with a neutral person with the proper training (like a counselor). He's a kid who's been in survival mode, doing the best he could with the circumstances he found himself in through no fault of his own. He hasn't talked about this stuff very much, but he knows it's not normal to have never had a dad, but of course he had no control over who his mom let knock her up or their lack of a relationship thereafter. Then, he also knows it's not normal for a mother to abandon her son in favor of doing whatever she wanted to do. His mother is only in her mid-30's now, if that tells you anything.

The kid didn't fall in to drug use and doesn't whine about his life, which is 2 huge pluses and 2 road blocks you would pretty much expect in this situation. On the other hand, he has pretty much got in to the habit of losing himself in music & playing video games. From my own life experiences as a kid, I can relate to that, & personally believe that these have been great venues to pass his time- until now. The kid actually has some music talent, which I never had a tidbit of.

The thing is, high school is over-- he is to be forever congratulated for graduating as a homeless kid with no regular help from an adult for years. Humans are creatures of habits. It is perfectly understandable that he can play video games all night long, but that habit will not cut it in the college years. Before you disagree, remember he doesn't have parents- "step" or otherwise- to fall back on. He has got to follow a path to adulthood & not miss any key steps.

Now as long as he is willing to try, my family will do its best for him (I've no reason to think he will stop), but he isn't like most immature 18 year olds. He needs to learn what it takes to live independently, & he can't take even a year or 2 off to "just be & find himself" like some do. Oh sure, in theory, he could bum around for 10 years & then suddenly decide to take life seriously, work at it & everything be ok. The truth & the statistics tell a different story & a very different likely outcome should anything like that take place.

I've talked with him & pointed out that he has had more than his share of bad things happen in his life, but those same bad things were opening doors for him now. I've explained that he isn't preparing for college in the Fall-- he's preparing for the rest of his life. I also explained to him that while he can mentally agree with that statement, I already know that no one at his age could truly appreciate just how true & in how many ways that statement is true, but that one day, through time & life experience, he would come to be completely convinced of that statement. By then, if he didn't make the correct decisions now, there wouldn't be a button to push & suddenly be transported back in time to relive this time in his life again. He has got to make good, not perfect, but good decisions now.

This may sound like simple stuff, but it's fairly thick for a kid that just been surviving. Now we're talking about him making good decisions, having a 4 year degree in a subject he loves 4 years from now, making money he's only dreamed about. Yes, if all goes well, he could actually be better off 4 years from now than 90+ percent of his classmates from high school that were not homeless. But that's IF he makes good decisions, can learn to think like a man (not a boy), & stay focused. For most people, one or more slip ups just means they get a little relief from a relative & then get back on track. For a homeless kid with no viable living relatives to call upon, a serious slip up can mean skid row.

My plan, which is a WIP, is to get him started at Tech in the Fall, hopefully living in a dorm. Due to his immaturity, it's probably best he stay at Tech for 2 years, then transfer to a yet-to-be determined 4 year college. For example clemson or USC Upstate have 4 year programs in his desired area of study, so he could transition to either of those through the programs at the University Center at McAllister Square. I think he needs a car because that will keep the most doors open for him, both in terms of schools he can attend & in terms of jobs he can hold while attending school. If he finishes 4 years of school, by that time he may be mature enough & may have worked though whatever his personal issues he has due to his childhood situation to the point he can step out in to life & flourish. That's my hope, but only time will tell.

Now it may be a bit hard to imagine a kid being mature enough to hold down a part-time job & able to finish high school with a B average, without adult supervision, yet considered immature by an adult like me. Well, first off, while he has done very well with the circumstances he was / is in, he has, by necessity, lost himself in music & video games, not like other kids, but for the purpose of dealing with the pain, the loneliness, & his fears. People in that kind of pain need an "out" or they will go crazy. Many such people get in to drinking & other drugs. Many people get depressed... yada yada yada. But with no family, he's got to learn how to do simple, but important things adults do, like balance a checkbook, live on a budget, plan tomorrow, the next week, the next month (at least plan the important details). These & similar things are skills he doesn't have yet. For example, He needs to know how to maintain a car, even if he never becomes a mechanic.

Now I & others can help him with these things, but unlike most other people, he doesn't have a long time to learn these things in, nor has he been exposed to them very much growing up. He must learn several new skills before this Summer is gone & as much of the rest of manhood as he can before 4 years of college is completed. When you don't have a family support system, things take on a whole new level of meaning & importance. Trust me on that one. So to repeat, humans are creatures of habits & this kid has to get out of his comfort zone of passing large amounts of time in music & video games & start becoming a fully functional man (yes I know the ladies will say that such a creature is a myth). He can still (& should) continue to play video games & music, he will just need to keep those things in a proper perspective.

I'm just trying to help the kid get all the help I can & then be there for him. I probably need to look in to getting him some consoling, if just to try & make sure that personal issues don't eat him up inside.

Keep the good ideas coming!!

Pell grants and the like. He can file for student loans but those are loans so its something he will have to pay back. The Pell grant might be the best route just make sure he has his tax returns for the last couple of years around, they will ask for them to determine if he is eligible. I think the limit is around 15k a year and you have to have proof od income. All he needs is his w2's.

If he's got a B average then finding a college shouldn't be hard for him. I would have him start filling out college apps but most of those app fees.

And you can find "cheap" cars around. Best bet would trying to find someone selling a decent car at a decent price. That's going to cost a bit though from anything from 500 - 2000