Hit Me With Your Rythm Stick

OK, so Rich was kind enough to put this blog feature on the board. I figure that I should use it. At least as much as I can get the time for...

One of my biggest pet peeves in Paintball writing is the use of certain phrases. Some of these phrases are antiquated and some are compiled to make the writer or speaker look more refined and learned than he is.

Now you have to understand that Paintball is a different animal in almost every way, shape and style. In supply and distribution, there is no such thing as a "floor plan". Those of you in retail, especially in automotive, will relate to the placing of vehicles on a dealer lot for sale. To completely simplify it, the dealer gets the cars for no money down and pays on time. Usually, his break is as good as "until it sells". Mr. Dealer handles the insurance and keeps the vehicles clean until they sell; at which time the manufacturer gets his cut and the car is paid off. One big happy family.

Not so in the world of paintball. In ninety-eight percent of the paintball distribution world, dealers, fields and proshops must pay for their merchandise when they get it. Consequently, when you walk into your neighborhood paintball store, everything you see is paid for. Go to the field and stand in line for paint? That case you are handed is most likely completely paid for. Guns on the wall in your Pro Shop? Very likely all owned by the shop.

Think about that the next time you get aggravated at the prices in a shop or field. Their capital is chained in that establishment. Kind of like if you had plenty of money, but you couldn't spend a dime because the bank wouldn't let you have it.

So, now that I'm off the track, you're asking, "What the Hell does that stuff have to do with writing?"

I'm glad you asked. (Actually, not a damn thing. It was just a little informational segue to instill some knowledge in your head without you knowing it.) That writing stuff comes next...

The magazines do not hire professional journalists to write for them. At best, you get guys like me and Chris Alessio, Jason Lineberger and our own PBJ in there. At worst, you get the guy who has a whole lot of spirit and the real desire to be in lights and promote the game.

Unfortunately, these individuals usually cannot muster more than one or two pieces. Believe it or not, writing on paintball is a very difficult thing to do. How interesting is an article whose body of text consists of "one team fought another team and one team won... and a good time was had by all."

There's that damn phrase again. I don't know where it came from, but it should be banished from the annals of paintball journalism. It is used by a writer when he runs out of anything to say. A little like, "Well, Jim, those Wildcats really tore em up today! Next weeks game should be incredible. The stats were, woo-hoo! But today, a good time was had by all! See you next week, fans!" Take the hit, Buddy!

What's wrong with, "The players had an incredible experience at Bear Claw this weekend and told Bob and Susie that they all had a good time!"

OR, "After the final battle, the troops came off the field sweaty, tired and as painted as the quills of a peacock. You could certainly tell by the smiles on their faces that they had come for and gotten a good time!"

I encurage new blood in writing. But I beg of you, before my ears bleed in protest, quit using that phrase. Before you start killing baby squirrels---STOP!

Now you might realize that this is an attempt to satyrically encourage new writers in paintball media. Approach the editors. Thay're always looking for someone to hound them about a submission. But be warned. It better be spelling and grammatically correct. If you can't spell or tell the difference between a noun and a verb, or even use a manual spell checker, then don't bother. And if your next question is "what is a manual spell checker?" then leave now.

Make no mistake about it, writing and photography for paintball is not easy. The pay is low and slow to come, if at all lately. I have assignments that were submitted in January and published in the March issue. Still waiting. And that's more the rule than the exception. And it's too bad, because nobody wants to work for nothing. Especially when you're out on the field shooting photos and placing thousands of dollars in camera gear in harm's way just to capture the perfect paintball in mid flight shot.

We take thousands of shots to get only a handful of those. Broken lens? So sorry. And your camera better be digital SLR with over 10 MP resolution or don't bother.

For the potential writers, know what you're up against. It's a hard road. But it is fun!