Proper Narrative Descriptions

[WebFisher]

To: All EMS Personnel
From: Chief of Operations
Subject: Proper Narrative Descriptions

It has come to our attention from several emergency rooms that many EMS narratives have taken a decidedly creative direction lately. Effective immediately, all members are to refrain from using slang and abbreviations to describe patients, such as the following.

1) Cardiac patients should not be referred to as suffering from MUH (messed up heart), PBS (pretty bad shape), PCL (pre-code looking) or HIBGIA (had it before, got it again).

2) Stroke patients are NOT "Charlie Carrots." Nor are rescuers to use CCFCCP(Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs) to describe their mental state.

3) Trauma patients are not CATS (cut all to sh*t), FDGB (fall down, go boom),TBC (total body crunch) or "hamburger helper." Similarly, descriptions of a car crash do not have to include phrases like "negative vehicle to vehicle interface" or "terminal deceleration syndrome."

4) HAZMAT teams are highly trained professionals, not "glow worms."

5) Persons with altered mental states as a result of drug use are not considered "pharmaceutically gifted."

6) Gunshot wounds to the head are not "trans-occipital implants."

7) The homeless are not "urban outdoorsmen", nor is endotracheal intubation referred to as a "PVC Challenge".

8) And finally, do not refer to recently deceased persons as being "paws up," ART (assuming room temperature), CC (Cancel Christmas), CTD (circling the drain), DRT (dead right there) or NLPR (no long playing records).

I know you will all join me in respecting the cultural diversity of our patients to include their medical orientations in creating proper narratives and log entries.

[warpedx]

Hamburger helper...nice!!
People that work the emergency room have some crazy stories.

[Death By Daddy]

My 1st ex-wife works in the Trauma Unit at Vanderbilt She'll get a kick out of this.

[gfgjester]

Damn, Scott! You have TWO ex-wives, too? We could start an exclusive scenario team. The SPEWx2 Syndicate. (Scenario Paintballers with Ex Wives x 2) The way we EBS paintball, there is probably more candidates out there! ROLL CALL!

[Death By Daddy]

I don't think that is too exclusive a thing around here. I think Bobio has like 9 ex-wives, and just got married again. Maybe he could be our fearful leader. Personally I'm content with the 25% of my stuff I have left. I don't want to drop to 12.5%. But I guess in Bobio's case 50% of not much is OK.

[gfgjester]

Shoot, the first ex was kind enough to give me one single blanket... Albeit, a blanket with a big hole in it, but a blanket none the less. Second time, I managed to get my computer and my cd's. By the time I could get back for the remnants, my "illegal and unwelcome, erstwhile third ex-wife" destroyed the rest. You may know her as Katrina... OMG, sorry for the hijacking!

[Furby]

Originally Posted by gfgjester

Damn, Scott! You have TWO ex-wives, too? We could start an exclusive scenario team. The SPEWx2 Syndicate. (Scenario Paintballers with Ex Wives x 2) The way we EBS paintball, there is probably more candidates out there! ROLL CALL!

I'm on #3...

[gfgjester]

But don't they say, "Third time is a charm", Dale? I'm with my about-to-be-third and after two years of exhaustive personal research, I'm convinced that if she'd been around in the beginning I'd have been much less miserable. (AND have more money!) We get to use all that experience! But us guys are not as smart as our dogs when it comes to women. At least dogs LEARN when you whack 'em with a rolled up paper... Heh-heh!

[Kdiddy63]

I've only got one ex. I made sure the secound was the right one. She lets me play paintball when ever I want.