The following odd and hilarious press release was found on http://www.evil-paintball.com

There was almost a scene of absolute horror in Malaga Beach Spain, we were this close to losing our dear andy. After sunning himself on several beaches at once, which is not easy considering the fact, you need to use a fire engine to spray suntan lotion on his white english goodyear blimp sized body. Anyways after the tide came up he took a quick dip into the sea, causing a minimal amount of flooding in the town. Much to the Piper's surprise a Russian whaling boat was onto him in no time. Not so much mistaking him for a whale, but rather thinking they discovered a new breed, the russians were quick to arm their high powered 70000 ton test harpoons. Much to our fortune, and Andy's, Greenpeace zodiaks, zipped out into the water in no time quickly preventing the castastrophe that was about to occur. they then Escorted Piper back to Jolly old England where he was put in dry dock for the winter in Liverpool. Thanks Heavens.

back to what it usually says -

Well we always knew here at evil that we would need someone special to run our european operations. We actually think we have found it, assuming he does not die of a massive heart attack as we speak. Rowdy Andy Piper, formly a pro USA superstar wrestler, has taken charge of spreading evil across europe. Evil had decided they needed a bad ass, and not some sissy to take care of business, so since Arnold already has a job, who better then our favorite pro wrestler. Unfortunately his pro career was cut short do to massive chaffing syndrome, due to him never wearing any underwear. He has slipped away from the limelight to pursue rose gardening and became a champion pie eater. (you could never tell)

The top picture is of Andy now, and the bottom picture is of Andy during the peak of his wrestling career right before he lost his pro title belt. Some tips you should know about Andy is to never stare. He is very sensitive about his enormous weight problem and can easily lose his temper. He has been know to swallow entire hippopatomus's in a clean bite.He actually accidently ate Robbo's (not that he would notice it was missing) giant bald head in one gulp because of the blinding glare. Also, a foul stench cloud follows him around, so be mindful of standing downwind.

Other than that you should be good. All Hail the mighty Piper